Dear myself,

We've failed quite a lot lately. Partly I think it's because of that we don't know what we truly want. Yes, we had a dream once. But somewhere inbetween we thought that it would be just a dream. And that made us worked only at our smallest power.

We can't go on like this. We can't stay a failure. We have to move back into the game. We have to start walking again. I don't want to be left behind. Not again.

Dear myself, we have to work hard. Not only to make them proud, but... we would make ourselves feel better about ourselves.

That is such a pleasant thing, isn't it?

Dear myself, I'm tired of being a failure.

Dear myself,

It is a pretty dull day. Nothing can really excite us right now. Instead of watching television, we could have created some writing, or drawing like we usually had before. But nowadays our muses seem to be vanished somewhere.

Yes, it was that time that we were able to write a forty pages story and we did feel thrilled to continue writing it until we finally could put the word 'end'. That person was our inspiration.

We put our whole heart to produce that story, didn't we? Just for that person to understand what we had felt, towards that only you-know-who. And nothing seemed more important other than that someone.

Ah, inspiration. You do know that it can come from anywhere, anything, and anytime, don't you? It is not that our inspiration rises only from that person, but we just haven't found what we're looking for, just like that U2 song.

Our muses never really vanish. It is just us that become deaf to their songs.

Otherwise, I wouldn't be writing this to you right now, dear me.

This is a slow recovery for our inspiration, but let's keep growing it still even it's so slow.

Dear myself,

Why there is that very same sting in our heart? Didn't we end it eleven days ago? I know. It must be painful to fight the longing of that pain we knew so well. It is empty right now, in my heart. Waiting for another warmth to come. But we all know that happiness never comes too soon. God above makes everything beautiful on His time, we know that, right?

I can't help it though... to feel lonely. Remember yesterday? When we walked alone on that road. Usually we feel nothing. But yesterday, it felt kind of cold and lonely, didn't it? Couldn't miss that same person and couldn't miss another person because we aren't at that term yet. It felt lonely, didn't it?

It was tempting to go back there, on that familiar agony. But we made a promise to move on, didn't we? And to let that person be free.

We did love that someone so very dearly, but somewhere along the way, we lost it, didn't we? Remember that last kiss? When nothing was there in the lip-lock? Remember the blank, dullness feeling? The love wasn't there anymore, remember? It had been replaced by obsession.

And we chained that very person we cared so much. We hurt the one who was important to us, and we hurt ourselves as well. You realized that, didn't you? But we couldn't stop.

It had ended. We asked that question that we were very afraid of. Whether that person needed us. And we knew what the answer was, right? 'No'. We died back then, didn't we? The dead cannot be brought back to life.

It was the time we had to move on.

It wouldn't be easy, dear me. I know. I know it because I feel it too. I am you. It is very hard. But someday we will be truly happy. Someday.

Happiness never comes too quick, but it never comes too late as well.

Dear myself,

Obsession is such a terrifying thing. The urge to have someone or something even if it kills. For years we had been obsessing over the same person. And we always wondered what the sole reason was that we kept on going even though the agony was leaving us battered mentally. The time we invested only to be there for this one person. The emotional pain because of the unbearable longing. The disappointment because of the apathic response of that person. Yet we kept on going, kept on obsessing. So sometimes I want to ask. Why? Why we kept on walking that path? That dark and lonely and thorny path? Did our eyes become blind of everything else? Or did we blind ourselves?

Yes, I still remember how pleasant it was to have that person smiled. How warm it was when that person was around. How our heart beat so loud when we came in touch with that one person. How light-headed we were when we shared that kiss. How the loneliness was casted away because that one person was beside us. But we both know that we could not have the heart of that person. And it was so hard of us to admit that 'it was not meant to be'.

Obsession is such a terrifying thing, isn't it, dear me? Don't you remember how our heart bled so furiously? How we despised ourselves because of what we felt, and yet we could not stop what had overflowed? How we became addicted of each stab in our heart?

Dear myself, obsession is a terrifying thing.

Dear myself,

I just got this idea of writing to the future you after reading this comic book about someone who had an amnesia. During the two years in his amnesiac time, he forgot everything in his past, and he formed a deep love to someone. After that time, his memory came back, and he forgot everything in those two years and also the one he loved. Because the amnesiac him predicted that the loss of memory will happen, he wrote a journal and a letter to tell the real him of what happened in those two years and all about this love. It seemed so bizzare of the real him and thought of the amnesiac him as someone else, but gradually he learnt, and accepted, and he tried his best to be the person that he should have been, the one who loved and be loved.

So, I will try to write this now to the future me, you, who are reading this right now and someone else who cares to visit.

Let's mark this our starting point and how we see our changes for better or worse.